Starting point:  Mr Capaldi’s regeneration scene


[Setting: inside the TARDIS, which is tossing about quite alarmingly]

[The Doctor has just finished his most recent regeneration and revealed that he doesn’t like the color of his new kidneys and has just asked a most important question. . . ]

THE DOCTOR: Do you happen to know how fly this thing?

CLARA: That’s generally been your job [looks at console] Or hers. She’s been a bit [Sparks] . . . independent of late.

THE DOCTOR: Well then. Right. How are you at crashing?

[The scene goes dark, crashes are heard]

[Credits and Dr. Who song (Classic version or KLF version)]


[Scene: The Doctor and Clara are getting up as the TARDIS flickers back to life]

CLARA: Doctor?

THE DOCTOR: Right! Nose. . . check. Two eyes, good! Chin’s a bit less chinny. . . I’ll have to get used to that. . .

CLARA: Doctor?

THE DOCTOR: No! No! Don’t need one! I’m fine, this happens to me quite often, I just . . . [attempts to take a step, falls pratfallingly] I’m okay!

[The Doctor pops back up]

THE DOCTOR: See! I’m fine. The floor just arrived too soon. Different legs. Takes getting used to, doesn’t it?

CLARA: Wouldn’t know. Just had the one set the whole time.

THE DOCTOR: That’s right! You lovely people do that! Or don’t rather. Right! So . . . where was I? Hungry! Do you have any Jelly Babies? I think I’m craving some.

CLARA: [slightly horrified] Jelly. . . babies? Jelly doesn’t have babies, it’s smooshed up fruits. Fruit is babies, I suppose?

THE DOCTOR: No! Not like that, little sugary soft things shaped like little people, I think they used to be a comfort food.

CLARA: Oh! Those things!  The ones that taste like gummi bears, but even less tasty?

THE DOCTOR: Bears? Bears! Aren’t we ambitious? No, it’d have to be babies, wouldn’t taste right otherwise. No. . . no. . . forget the cravings. [begins fiddling with controls on the TARDIS, stops abruptly, looks around]

CLARA: Doctor?

THE DOCTOR: [To the TARDIS]: Really girl? You sure . . .no no, of course you are, you always are.

CLARA: I’m pretty sure you’re not talking to me anymore, are you?

THE DOCTOR: [Excitedly] Wait, what have you done with your height? Your eyes are . . . at the wrong place.

CLARA: That’s you, Doctor. I’m still the same.

THE DOCTOR: Right! [chuckles to self, grinning broadly] Bears! You humans are positively adorable sometimes, you know that?

CLARA: [Indignantly] We don’t really think we’re eating bears, you know.

THE DOCTOR: Do you ever bite their heads off first?

CLARA: I always bite the heads off first, that way they don’t suffer.

THE DOCTOR: [Nods] Quite right! [Pauses] By the way, who ARE you?

CLARA: I’m Clara, Doctor. Clara

THE DOCTOR: Doctor Clara! [Reaches for hand] SO excited to meet you, I may be in need of your services.

CLARA: I’m not the doctor, Doctor. . . you are.

THE DOCTOR: Well then, what do you . . . wait. . . Clara? Are you my impossible girl? I seem to remember a Clara and that she was impossible.

CLARA: Unless you mean ‘difficult’ that would be me.

THE DOCTOR: Lovely! Then shall we head outside?

[The TARDIS materializes in a lush forest, the door opens and the Doctor stumbles out, looks around, holds his arms to the sky and spins around, laughing joyously. Clara follows.]

CLARA: Where ARE we?

THE DOCTOR: Earth! The year 2207. I have no idea why we’re here, but we’ll improvise, I do that well, don’t I? Do I? Yes, yes, I do.

[The Doctor pauses]

THE DOCTOR: Well hello, who have we here?

[Clara follows The Doctor’s gaze and notices a strange dog-like creature with stripes and an odd hunched posture]

CLARA: That’s… a strange dog. Is that a dog?

[The creature rears up on its hind legs threateningly and opens its mouth impossibly wide, making a strange chuffing sound and a growl]

THE DOCTOR: [to the creature] Easy, beautiful. . .we don’t mean any harm. You’re just watching out for your little ones, aren’t you? Terribly sorry for disturbing you, we’ll be on our way and you can get back to sleep. [to Clara] They’re generally nocturnal, probably woke her when the TARDIS arrived.

[While The Doctor is talking to Clara the creature backs off into the forest and vanishes]

CLARA: What on Earth WAS that? That wasn’t normal.

THE DOCTOR: Not normal? That beautiful thing was a thylacine! A Tasmanian Tiger. You probably never saw one because they were extinct. There’ll be more around, come! This way!

[The Doctor strides boldly forward in a seemingly random direction. Clara hurries after him.]

CLARA: So we’re in Tasmania, then? And we’re bringing back extinct species? We were talking about that with mammoths or something like that, weren’t we? I suppose that’s. . . .

[They break the treeline and Clara stops in mid sentence. The terrain is grassier and the immediate vicinity has scattered tree-houses connected by zip-lines, but very little like anything she’s seen before. In the distance is a beach with a stretch of water past it. . . and beyond that is a ring of strange buildings and structures that seems to circle to the left and right as far as she can see.]

CLARA: . . . not what I expected.

[The Doctor clearly struggling to contain his excitement]

THE DOCTOR: Aren’t they brilliant? What better place to experiment with repopulating species than a floating city?

CLARA: That doesn’t sound like us. . does it? This must have cost . . . more money than I can imagine!

THE DOCTOR: You still think in money! That’s right! No, they don’t have money anymore. I mean, some of them do. . . but only when they want. Generally most of you are better off without it.

[While The Doctor and Clara are talking they notice a strange vehicle heading in their general direction. It seems to be suspended above the ground and stops some distance to their left. A younger woman exits followed by middle aged man and somewhat older woman. Despite her age, the three walk briskly towards the Doctor and Clara, followed by thirteen creatures that look like animated teddy bears with long legs.]

CLARA: Well, that’s new.

[Chapter One: Earth 2.0]

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