Chapter Seven: When Teddy Bears Attack

[Cut to Jack, Jen, Strax, the Doctor, Clara, and Griff in a musty underground tunnel]

THE DOCTOR: [wetting his finger and holding it in the air] This is the place.

JEN: [Surprised] One of these days I’m going to figure out how you do that.

JACK: I wouldn’t get my hopes up. I’ve been trying to figure him out for centuries.

JEN: Centuries?

JACK: I’m really bad at dying.

JEN: You 21st century types are weird.

JACK: Says the girl with a box of . . . what’s in there anyway?

STRAX: Babies.  I hope these are more useful than that other one.

CLARA: They’re actually bears. Well, not bears. Teddy bears.

JACK: [to Jen] Nervous?

JEN: I wasn’t going to take on eighty four people alone. I’m good, but not THAT good.

JACK: [Raising an eyebrow] And you think we’re weird?

CLARA: Normal people don’t do things like this.

GRIFF: I’m pretty sure this isn’t a normal situation.

STRAX: [Looking pleased] Is everyone ready for an explosion?

[Clara and Jack start backing away . . . the rest notice and join]

STRAX: [Harumphingly] Harumph. I know my explosions, we’re fine where we are. [presses button on remote detonator]

[A very impressive explosion with strangely colored lights knocks Strax over]

STRAX: See? Fine.

[The Group moves forward and sees a large circular tunnel that stretches into the darkness]

JEN: Wow. Well done! Okay, I guess it’s my turn. [She opens the box and the Herd comes out]

JACK: I completely failed to see that coming.

THE DOCTOR: Okay Jen, you up for this?

JEN: Yup. [To the rest] Okay . Jack, Strax.   You’re with me.  Let’s plan on getting to the bulkhead in . . . [she holds her finger up] Oh! I like this one! You guys have some fun music.  Okay . . two minutes and fifty seven seconds from my mark.

CLARA: That’s unusually precise.

JEN: I’m better if I don’t lose my rhythm.

STRAX: Do I get to shoot anyone?

JEN: Nobody gets hurt.

STRAX: Even a little?

JEN: And here I thought you were a great warrior.

STRAX: I am!

JEN: Yet you’re not good enough to disable somebody without killing them?

JACK: Ouch.

STRAX: [Puffs up] Very well. This is however . . . odd.

GRIFF: Says the short blue alien warrior nurse?

JEN: Okay, let’s do this. . .  [She strides to the end of the tunnel with Jack, Strax, and the bears in tow] . . NOW!

[Jen, the Herd, Jack, and Strax charge off.  A ruckus ensues]

CLARA: [To Griff] Is she going to be okay?

GRIFF: There’s no guarantees, but she knows what she’s doing.  She’s got the herd slaved to me in case she ends up unconscious or killed.

CLARA: Killed?

GRIFF: That’s what happens when you’ve got a lot of people with weapons.  It only takes one unlucky moment and somebody’s gone forever.

[Clara suddenly looks somber]

GRIFF: If anybody can get through that without getting hurt, it’s her.  She’s an artist.

[The noises in the distance stop abruptly, the group moves forward slowly]

[After a moment, Jack appears]

JACK: [To Griff] Does she usually dance with the enemy?

CLARA: Don’t you?

JACK: Not while I’m fighting them.  Also, they don’t just pass out on me. . . well, sometimes they do [he grins Jackishly]

GRIFF: She does more often than not.  She has hypodermics in her fingertips and she needs to stay in contact long enough to make sure nothing goes wrong and nobody has a bad reaction to the anesthesia.  She’s cautious.

JACK: Not the word I’d use. . . is she human?

GRIFF: Of course, she’s just heavily augmented.   [To the Doctor] It’s basically the same thing as the Wearable Holodeck.   She uses the same technology that surgeons use to be remarkably agile.  I’m constantly amazed at how she can . . .

JEN: [Yelling from down the hall] Jack!  Two minutes thirty!  Hurry up if you want to join the fun!

[Jack winks to the group and begins to run off]

JACK: Time for the big finale!

[The group follows along and sees Strax attaching a device to a large bulkhead while the bears begin to assemble around Jen]

JACK: Umm. . . Okay then.

[The device Strax was assembling explodes and the bulkhead crashes inward.  Jen charges forward in the bearsuit but immediately drops out of it and slides the moment they clear the smoke, leaving the now empty bearsuit as the target for the first few shots.]

THE DOCTOR: Clever girl!

[Jack and Strax charge in and the fighting is initially intense but the group quickly takes out the assembled soldiers save for one huddled behind a console holding a grenade]

JACK: Whoa there soldier!  No need to get anybody killed.  We’re the good guys.

THE DOCTOR: I’m sure you can understand his confusion, however.

[The Soldier barely notices them, he’s staring at Strax looking terrified]

CLARA: Don’t those things normally have pins?

STRAX: That one should, yes. [Strax steps towards the soldier reassuringly and in response the soldier faints dead away, dropping the grenade]

JEN: STRAX! [She dives forward and kicks the grenade towards the corner of the room, which is still uncomfortably close, she dives on top of the soldier and covers him with her body.]

JACK: No! [He dives on top of her just as the grenade explodes.]

[When the explosion clears Jack has obviously taken the brunt of the blast and is badly wounded]

GRIFF: Is he. . . ?

CLARA: He’ll be fine.

[Jack’s body almost immediately begins repairing itself and he suddenly gasps for breath and rolls off of Jen]


[As Jack rolled off of Jen a piece of shrapnel that had impaled them both tears loose from Jen’s side]

GRIFF: [Runs forward to Jen] Don’t you dare die Jen.  Stormy would kill me if you did.

JEN: [Managing to laugh weakly]  I’ll live. . . none of the augments are cut. . . need help with bleeding though.  Is he okay?

CLARA: Jack?  Or the soldier?

JEN: Yes?

GRIFF: They’re both okay.  You did great.

JEN: [Grinning] Of course I did.   I sleep now.[She weakly moves her fingers the side of her neck and there’s a brief hissing sound, then she passes out]

STRAX: [Leaning over Jen, holding Sontarran nursing gizmo] Hmm. . . Those artificial muscles seemed to have spared her the worst of it [Sprays foamy stuff on her abdomen]  There.  Let’s get her back so I can minster to her properly.  She’ll have some excellent scars.

GRIFF: That was too close for comfort.  I don’t know what I’d have done if . . . [Shakes head] Let’s get the equipment so this all wasn’t in vain.

[Jack picks up Jen, who immediately buries her head in his chest and begins to snore]

STRAX: [To Jack] I like her.  She growls at you.


[Chapter Eight: Plannage]

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